Blood on the Ground
by ArmAndLeg
Summary: It was the ultimate oxymoron: Dib hated the person that he loved. He groaned and placed his head onto his folded arms. How could this have happened? It had to be some sick joke.


AN: I sure hope that you guys are ready for some kind of angst. ^_^; I finally get my hands on "Morning View," the newest, bestest (in my opinion) Incubus CD ever, and I have five million songfic ideas. Well, maybe not five million, but a lot. You all know I most certainly do not own Incubus (DAMNIT! If I owned them, I wouldn't have to buy the CDs! ::heavenly sigh:: I love Incubus…), and I don't own Invader Zim, either. 

Warnings: Slash. Well…it's one-sided. The actual angst is probably the only thing that you should get some warning for. In fact, I think this is the most in-character thing I've probably EVER written when it comes to Zim/Dib stuff. Now let's get this songfic started!

Blood on the Ground

"Just shut _up_, Zim," Dib hissed between clenched teeth. Zim, though, had not heard him. He continued to rant about something Dib had done to him. Of course, Dib knew nothing about this. Nothing at all, because Dib had ordered himself not to talk to Zim anymore.

Why talk to Zim anyway? Zim was an annoying parasite to Dib. Or, that was what Dib continued to tell himself. Zim was annoying, though, and he was proving himself to be so right now. Dib told himself he wasn't going to talk to Zim anymore. He was afraid of what he might say, actually. In fact, he never really opened his mouth now to talk to anymore, but maybe to Zim.

Zim glared at Dib and finally left the thirteen-year-old alone. Dib watched Zim walk away, biting his tongue in order to keep his retort that he had formed two seconds ago to himself. He must have bit down pretty hard, because he could taste his own blood in his mouth. It was better than saying something that would cause a dangerous reaction out of Zim, he reminded himself. 

What Dib did not understand was that how he could say something, but completely think something else. He swallowed, still tasting a trace of blood, and reminded himself why he was keeping his mouth shut. If he remained silent, he would not have to deal with starting another fight with Zim.

He winced as he thought back to one of their more recent fights. It probably wasn't as long ago as he thought it was, but he remembered they heavy amount of cuts he had gotten. He didn't like fighting with Zim one little bit. He didn't like causing pain to Zim. It caused him pain to cause Zim pain, actually. Which was why he believed that biting back his comments instead of fighting was better. Besides, blood in his mouth beats his blood on the ground, doesn't it? 

Dib sighed as he sat in his seat. He just wished he understood his thoughts, his emotions. He knew, though, that Zim now had something of his that he wanted back. He may have wanted it back, but Zim couldn't give it back. It was kind of hard for Zim to, anyway.

Dib just wished that Zim would just hand him back _his_ heart. Yes, that was what Zim had. And Dib hated Zim for it. Hated Zim for taking the most important object he had, and Dib couldn't do anything to get it back. No matter how much he tried. And he took count of how many hours he had tried to figure out how Zim got a hold of his heart in the first place.

For as long as Dib could remember, he had claimed to hate the alien. And he still hated Zim. It was the ultimate oxymoron: Dib hated the person that he loved. He groaned and placed his head onto his folded arms. How could this happen? It was just impossible. It had to be some sick joke. It just had to be. 

Dib sighed again. He checked the clock; it was exactly two weeks and one hour. He did everything within all of his power to forget. To forget how he realized that he loved Zim. Everything was probably an understatement, but he did try. Lord knows he tried as hard as he could to get his heart back. And all of that time was wasted, because Zim still had his heart in his clutches. 

The worst part was that Zim _knew_ he had Dib's heart. He _knew_. And he used that information completely to his advantage. Zim made it his business to point it out to Dib every blasted moment he could. Dib severely hoped that he would just stop. That the torture Zim seemed to put him through would end. And Dib knew it wouldn't as long as Zim knew it tortured him.

Sometimes, Zim was like a brick wall. Completely unmoving and very protected about himself. Dib used to want to know what Zim was thinking, but now he could simply care less. He might love Zim, but that didn't stop him from absolutely _hating_ and _despising_ the alien. He smiled slightly to himself. Oh, if he could have two things, it would be to have his heart back and Zim dead. 

Dib shook his head. Why did he fall for Zim anyway? Zim was his rival, for the sake of everything sane; he shouldn't have fallen for him! It seemed almost impossible. Though, Dib couldn't fight the truth. He looked up and held his breath as Zim passed by him. He glared at Zim with all he was worth. How _dare_ Zim smile at him like that?

That fake smile was one of Zim's many ways to torture Dib, and Dib knew this. He wanted nothing to do with Zim. He wanted nothing to do with the person who caused him pain. Dib never wanted to fall in love. The fact that he did and fell for the last person he expected to fall for made him feel worse. Why did he fall for his eternal source of torment? 

His favorite response to that would be because he was insane. He just had to be. Who would possibly fall for the person who hated them the most? Only the ones that were cracked, that's who. Dib heard a little voice say to him that not breathing kept him from breathing Zim in. Dib sighed. The more he tried to come up with ways to forget his twisted love for Zim, the bigger his love for Zim grew.

"Jesus, I am insane," Dib whispered to himself.

"What was that, Dib?" Zim asked, feigning a caring tone of voice. 

And since Dib knew he was faking that I-really-care-about-you tone of voice, his heart ached slightly as he glared up at Zim. He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it almost instantly. He wasn't talking to Zim anymore, he couldn't respond to whatever Zim said.

"Afraid to answer me? What, are you afraid you might let your precious 'secret' slip?" Zim continued, his tone going straight from caring to maliciousness. 

Dib flinched slightly at the tone, but he kept his eyes of Zim. The only reason why he flinched was because Zim was right. He was afraid of letting all his emotions slip. Zim might have known them, but he sure as hell didn't want the whole damn skool to know. That would be a fate worse than death, and that's why Zim kept on bugging Dib. He wanted to have Dib let it slip. 

"Go. Away. Zim," Dib hissed, stressing every syllable as best as he could. He had to bite his tongue again, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to tell Zim that he loved _and_ hated him. He couldn't.

"How can you speak to me like that, Dib? You do love me, after all…" Zim whispered in Dib's ear.

Dib shuddered, but bit down on his tongue even harder. He wouldn't shout the one thing he so wanted to yell at Zim. Zim's mouth was still teasingly close to his as he smiled. Dib wanted to kiss Zim now, more than anything, but he was earning his right to his silence. He wouldn't shout at Zim, and he most definitely wouldn't pull the alien closer to him and do the one thing he wished he could do. 

Zim's smile never left, but he moved away from Dib. Dib continued to glare at Zim as he went back to his seat. He relaxed, kept his pride in check, and tried to pay attention to the rest of the class. It didn't quite work. Since the bell rang, signifying that it was time to go to lunch, there would be nothing to take Dib's attention off of Zim.

He almost decided oh skipping lunch and going to Mr. Seymour's class so that he could make up some work, but his better judgment told him not to go. Mr. Seymour wasn't in a really good mood today. And, as he found out later that day, people who did go to Mr. Seymour's class to make up work were told they couldn't make anything up.

So that meant that Dib's judgment was still good. That made him smile slightly as he continued to eat lunch. Though, Zim was sitting at the table across from him, and Dib had to keep his eyes on his lunch, because he was sure that Zim would do something to torment him. Zim did so at every lunch. 

He was beginning to realize how wary he was of Zim's presence. Every time he saw Zim, acting and being nice, his blood boiled. Why couldn't Zim be afraid of Dib because of the way Dib felt for him _instead_ of Zim seeing his emotions as a way to torment Dib? How did he let that happen to himself? Dib would have loved to continue a façade of being tortured like this.

Seeing Zim now wasn't the pleasure it used to be. Now it was plain torture. It felt like someone was pulling all of Dib's teeth out without using Novocain, one by one, in a slow fashion just to heighten the pain. And hearing Zim's voice was worse. Hearing Zim's voice was like having someone force-feed him tin foil and making him chew it about fifty times before swallowing it and taking another bite.

Dib shuddered at the comparisons, but it was true. He would love to have another chance at that day he let his secret slip. That was why he didn't want to talk to Zim anymore. He didn't want to continue this endless torture. And when he spoke, Zim would always twist his words. _Always._ Besides, his blood was best to stay inside of him. Which is why he bit his tongue every time Zim came near him. He stopped himself from yelling at Zim, and stopped himself from bleeding more than he had to.

Of course, his emotional wounds and scars could never fully heal like his physical ones, but he was afraid of letting his emotions out. So afraid of speaking his mind. He had seen many people get beaten up or killed because of stupid, trivial things. He didn't want his blood to hit the ground like theirs did.

He had to congratulate his better judgment. It was probably the only thing that saved his ass repetitively these days. All those moments where he felt like shouting at Zim, "So what if I love you?!" in front of the whole skool were avoided that way. And he figured the less he said, the more he gained. The more self-control he had, the better.

For the more self-control he had, the less he had to worry about letting anything slip. Zim may continue to torment Dib all he wanted; Dib was still going to remain quiet. Zim brought this on. This silent war between them was all Zim's fault. The more Zim smiled softly in his direction, that unbelievably _fake_ smile, the more Dib believed that he was winning.

Believeing in that little fact made Dib stay alive day after day. He didn't have to speak his mind. His facial expressions did all the talking for him. And Dib could see that Zim wasn't stopping any time soon, so his silence was only making Zim grow frustrated. Dib knew that Zim being frustrated was neither a good thing nor a bad one, but it would help Zim to slow down his methods of torture.

Which was all that Dib wanted. He just wanted Zim to leave him alone. To leave Dib's love for him alone was _all_ that Dib truly wanted. So he would continue to bite back his retorts, and cause himself to open up more emotional cuts, but at least it beat blood on the ground. 

Blood on the Ground 

(Created by the ever so wonderful Incubus ^_^)

I don't wanna talk to you anymore  
I'm afraid of what I might say  
I bite my tongue, every time you come around  
Cause blood in mouth beats blood on the ground  
Hand over my heart, I swear I've tried everything I could  
Within all of my power two weeks and one hour  
I slaved and now I've got nothing to show  
Oh if only you'd grow taller than a brick wall  
From now on I'm gonna start holding my breath  
When you come around and you flex that fake grin  
Cause something inside of me said more than twice  
That breathing less air beats breathing you at all  
I don't wanna talk to you anymore  
I'm afraid of what I might say  
I bite my tongue every time you come around  
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground  
Hand over my mouth I'm earning the right to my silence  
In quiet discerning between ego and timing  
Good judgment is once again reminding me that it's  
Still worth its weight in gold  
From now on I'm gonna be so much more wary  
When you start to speak and my warm blood starts to boil  
Seeing you is like pulling teeth   
And hearing your voice is like chewing tin foil  
I don't wanna talk to you anymore  
I'm afraid of what I might say  
I bite my tongue every time you come around  
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground  
High-fives to better judgment  
By saying less today, I will gain more  
Low twos to you my…my fickle friend  
Who brought the art of silent war  
I don't wanna talk to you anymore  
I'm afraid of what I might say  
I bite my tongue every time you come around  
Cause blood in my mouth beats blood on the ground 

Yeah, okay. So this is probably a little strange. Yay for me. You're all going to be seeing a LOT of Incubus songfics from me, because, believe it or not, I can get that CD most of the time, whenever I want, if my mom let's me borrow it. -_-; I swear she's more obsessed with the band than I am…. Anyway, I hope you liked this. AND BUY MORNING VIEW, DAMNIT! Incubus makes you smarter! Yes it does! ::is done plugging the CD now:: Be gone with you, but before you leave, please review? It would make me very happy. 


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